This morning at sunrise, I went to one of your spots. The place you took me on our third date...the date where I really started to like you. You were going to take me to some fancy place in San Rafael to see the fireworks on the fourth of July, but you were coming from Fremont, and you had been working hard, and making another drive just didn't make any sense to me. So I asked if it was okay if we just went somewhere close.
"Don't worry, babe." You said. "We can pivot."
You took me to Victoria by the Bay in Hercules, just down the street from where I was living at the time. We picked up two coffees and spread a blanket on the grass and alternated gazing up at the sky and then each other. We shot the shit, laughed a bunch, and just sat back enjoying life and being together. The train wizzed by, and you told me about how you used to come sit on these west facing benches with your boys and enjoy the sunrise...and the sunset. How when the train wizzed by you pulled your flexed bicep up and down and pumped it until the conductor released the joyful sound [choo choo!] We did so that day and laughed with joy when the conductor released the thrill of the horn.
Afterward, we went see the fireworks at the Benicia canal and watched them explode over the water with all of the other awed people just out to have a good time, even in the midst of the pandemic. We sat next to the most joyful little boy in the world, who was a thrill to sit next to, "BOOM! YES! WOW. BAM! AGH!" We laughed as his joy mounted and peaked, and ours did do.
That was the date I realized there was something special here, that I was into you.
In our six months together, we would have many more adventures: taking the ferry from Vallejo to San Francisco and being brave and frisky at the aquarium. Traveling for a weekend getaway to a haunted lodge. Taking a train through a forest of redwood trees. Camping with your family for Neo's birthday, where I found out you get your kindness from your Dad and your playfulness from your mom. Movie dates, which were either hilarious [the sleeping dad in Top Gun] or emotional [the resonate tribute to Chadwick in Wakanda Forever]. Making an omelette together. Getting me so addicted to season three of Master Chef. So many deep talks about spirituality, and our hopes and dreams. Gazing up in wonder at a park filled with Christmas trees. Always leaning in towards me. Always leaning in with me, every time I asked you to.
Your spirit taken from us, from me, from your army of people and community too soon...I am grieving. I needed to find you somewhere. So I went back to that park, where I had looked at you sideways from where I lay next to you on the blanket on the ground, feeling like, "Man...I could talk to this dude forever." I will be talking to you forever, babe. I will be.
Thank you for teaching me how to pivot, BQ. Thank you for pivoting me.
I love you, babe.
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