Free Fallin'

Trusting God as we venture to do new things oftentimes feels like giving ourselves over to a free fall...an experience that is exhilarating, beautiful, surprising, and mildly terrifying...with a rush of wind.

Ten years ago, when the Holy Spirit first guided me to pursue graduate studies in theology, I was walking along the San Francisco bay peninsula, when a cargo ship glided North along the bay. I felt very strongly an invitation that I was "due north." I knew in that moment the Spirit was asking me to say yes to pursuing a degree in Theology & Culture (Arts & the Imagination) in Seattle, Washington.

What my "yes" to following the prompting of the Holy Spirit to The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology would lead to was trifold: building some of the deepest friendships of my adult life, learning to be leader who shows up vulnerably in community, and realizing that "I get to be big" as a brown skinned African American woman, to whom Western society often communicates the requirement to remain small.

Two months ago, I began my new position as a Pastoral Resident at the San Francisco-based church I began attending prior to seminary. I felt the same sense of guidance of the Holy Spirit: that I should absolutely say "yes" to this ---and it was not a requirement, but an invitation; I entered the role with a knowing that I would be stretched and given opportunities to expand and grow into capacities I had not before; and that the ride would be breathtaking and exhilarating.

To be honest, saying yes to being a Pastoral Resident (pastor in training) has been an easy decision. The pivot from studying Creative Writing in undergrad to a masters degree in Theology & Culture is starting to make more sense, for one. My gifts of empathy and connecting people to one another and resources are much better put to use in pastoral work than in my last role at an education research firm.

What has been more challenging are those parts of the road (along the journey) which don't make as clear sense as we say yes to them. For example, placing the first home I've owned on the market has been a doozy. Being a first time homeowner in the Bay Area (as a Black woman!) is a major accomplishment, and I loved my little home under the redwood trees next to the Napa river. Complicating my awareness that it was time to leave was the fact that my first home was the place B and I had said that we loved each other for the first time. To let it go would mean leaving behind the place where we had declared our feelings and dreamed of a future. Letting go of those dreams with the person who was a soulmate/best friend/boyfriend to me is difficult to do. But also....necessary, if I am to move into the future God has for me as I continue to walk out this journey of faith in the land of the living.

All this to say that following God along our individual journeys of faith is oftentimes going to feel like we don't know exactly where we are going...we just have a good feeling about it. When we say yes with the true conviction that what we are doing and where we are going is led by the Holy Spirit, we can be sure of one thing: wherever we are going will be an adventure...especially as we free fall into the unknown. We gather the courage needed to step out of the known and into the unknown with hope and faith that the Spirit of God who called us to the adventure will provide a safe place for us to land.

And then, we jump, giving ourselves over to the fall.